2

it's my second day of being like this.
whenever I am doubted , I will try to push myself closer to what I have been beliving in. I need to give myself more sense and hope someone will also support my argument along the way.
But when I realize i am the only person who want to make sense, things become nonsense. I dont want to fight alone. I am too young, yes you may say. I am not mature enough, then shouldn't some mature enough person should understand growing up does not take only one day or one year.
remember that joke about flying fish with 6 eyes. you laugh out loud and yet courage is that important.

I wanna prove something. I did such bullshit for so many times that I could not count them all. now I am doing it ever again and the same struggle is here like forever. I don't like such things . I wanna be honest, I wanna do whatever I want and never judge or justify whether it it worthy.

2nd day. I am already like a mad woman.

I was doing my last project in uni for the past few days and i met really great and fun group mates. I kind of get the feel that I dont want university to end, i love doing projects with bunch of responsible, smart, fun-loving and happy people. I have so much fun discussing with them and then recieving rewarding outcome. THe other day after project meeting I had dinner with Brian and JJ. they started to talk about philosophy and then go all the way to relationship. Brain said, people are selfish unless they have the connection with each other, all other things like companionship, can never lead you to true happiness.
well, I am more and more blur with the connection part. if it is true, isn't it that the person in a relationship should be happy for what the other half is happy about, and should be aware of whatever the other half is interested in, involved in and dedicated in?
The world will be so much better with it. OMG.

There is true love, there is true love, there is indeed true love.
prove to me. prove to me . and prove to me .

Someone said it is the timing that matters the most, but eventually it's the person. I dont wanna sound pessimistic but , how will we ever know.
if you dun choose option 1, you will never know option 2 is the better, and whether there is other option which could be the best.

I was wearing the Pokerstar t-shirt which took forever to arrive finally. if life is like a gamble. doesn't it require skills as well like Texas holdem? you need to see everyone's face and betting and determine the amount u r going to bet. or will u bet in the first place.
There is never an easy way out. never never.
I keep telling myself never. I could not test myself and others any more.
but if not, how would i know.

"u have A's, dont u".
You look into my eyes saying, 你不懂，it is the risk you have to take.

Don't u dare to bluff me.