miracle

It is a miracle that when i was in US , Yun did not skip one single lecture.
It is also a miracle i am broke because I eat a lot. of cuz plus an air ticket.

now Yun is skiping half of the lectures
and when I was in US i ate a lot better but still rich. hmm i mean i still got money to spare and travel.

I screwed up one exam. I don't wanna screw up the rest two.

OH TIME

Yun said it had been crazily busy days.
I said yeah.

I got so much to do.
but i dun feel like doing any.
I could not understand the paper i am reading. hence I could not do programming. hence i could not finish what i was supposed to do by friday. hence i should not worry about the exam on saturday since it has less priority.

Basically . I am stucked.

And I wanna talk and do a video chat.

I had a dream last night. in the dream I was poor, alone and miserable.
i have a feel that i could earn very little and end up all by myself.
tell me it is not true.

I CANT

I CANT FOCUS.
I DONT KNOW HOW I CAN MAKE MYSELF BETTER>
EVERYTHING IS SO NOT CERTAIN>
I AM FIGHTING OVER NOTHING.
IN THE END I GET NOTHING.
USELESS.USELESS.

Friends

I started to watch FRIENDS from season 1.
once my friends and I were talking about getting one big codo after we graduated and live together. that would be so much fun. just like in the TV series.
But I only realized that this could never come true. people are going to different parts of the world. Even I don't know where myself would be in a couple of years.
Queen brought up an idea that we should go travellng this december.
that made me start to accept that face that my two significant friends are leaving Singapore really soon. this may be the last chance that we could go out play for a few days together.
Seriously, without these friends, how can I survive in this island? Stucking in the island is bad, what makes it worse is your friends who were there with you, are gone.

whenever i feel lonely, upset or simply not happy, i have those friends. so i am never alone.
They are just too significant. We were together all the time.
just a call away. or just a few blocks.

Once I thought we will fight together in this small country. after work we can chat, laugh and hang out at night.
This will not happen. I get it. and Eventually I may probably leave too.

I just hope friendship is always there...and the beautiful memories are always there....

I am gonna miss you guys so much.
I never say that.
But I think you all know.I hope so.

Wish everyone happy.

got screwed

Today.
I made exp(t*i)=exp(t)*exp(i)

Screw me. I could never be more stupid.

rehab

I seriously think I should go to rehab.
not for drug. not for alcohol. of cuz.
I need to get rid of this freaking emotional thing which bothers me day and night.I need to stop thinking about my one minute and be independent and go out and get some life and do my work. tons of work out there.
but i feel like doing nothing before i get my 1 minute.
since the 1 minute never happened in most of the days. i dun feel like doing anything in those days. like now.
I left 500 words msg, and got fewer than 10 in return.
and totally irrelevant.
how good is that.

I cannot keep crying and asking for mental support. it makes me silly and useless.
no one is there offering such things. i get it . thank you.

i am so not superwomen.

I should just go back to Pennsylvania and be a farmer.

a minute

I spent half an hour talking to robot xiao i on msn. an imaginary guy. I gave him a new name . and talked to the idiot like an idiot myself.
All I want is one minute every day.. so show some attention.
I am tired of trying. maybe i shall fight no more forever too.
sick of keep being disappointed. I'd rather be hopeless. and accept the fact.

you never say. but i guess that I am just not worth that 1 minute.

Flight

I wanna book flight tickets to go back home.
I wanna book flight tickets to go back to USA
I want money to buy flight tickets .

This vid makes me cry

although i am not really a graduate from Penn State, this vid almost makes me cry , like those who commented on the video.
Some people will never understand why i miss my SEP so much, why I heart a town called state college so much. I know , you just cant understand.

It is a place where I really live a life for myself.
It is a period of time that no pains , no sorrows, no worries, no unnecessary social life, no all those fake and superficial conversation, no pressures, no feeling down, no disappointments, nothing bad.
everyday is fresh, colorful, free , easy , and happy. truly happy.
I only have experienced 22 years of my life. I cannt say it is the best place of all but so far it is best time of my life.
I don't expect those to understand. You don't know me so stop commenting on me.

Happy valley. a surreal corner of the earth.

我讨厌年少无知自以为是的样子

不管是自己 还是别人
不管是现在 还是曾经

Is there a way to delete all the past?

a damn tired day

it is.

Professional model

Sometimes i want to become one.
but i dun have a vogue face and perfect body.
I dun have enough experience and I behave stiff.

most importantly, I could just give up any job because of my school work.

well.
Oh did I mention that I am already too old to become one?

shit.