dream

If you tell me your dream is to work in wall street. I will say nothing but laugh.
If you tell me your dream is to have your own portfolio and be good at it. I will say nothing but respect that.
If you tell me your dream is to live happily without worrying about money. being banker is just a job. I will give you a big smile and say "i understand".

choice

its been a tough week. a lot of struggles and nightmares.
Its never easy to make a big decision. I am still not sure whether i am doing the right thing. but i guess good or bad, everything we do is our best choice that that moment.

All those complications. all those worries. all those what-ifs.

Just when you think something that can never happen to you, it happened.

I know my decision changed my life forever, yea its that big. But i have to do it. I have to do it fast. I cant stand another day just sitting there and thinking what i should do.

Then i heard about my grandma's surgery. Its just another upset thing in this week. great. Saturday is crucial. I need to go through the toughest part in order to move on. but i dunno how painful it will be , and how emotional i will get after that.

Then I think about the blind lady in the bus. maybe my life is 100 times better hers already. this small change shouldnt make me so down while she is smiling all the time.

I should be brave. I shouldnt be scared . Everyone can do it so can I .

I will be there and get it done. what i have lost, is something that we can never see, never get to know, or forever regret about .

But i guess we have to stick to the plan. There are prices to pay.

I love you. Please forgive me.

Another busy week just ended

Exam + Homework + Teaching + Grading.
Typical busy week of a TA.

These 2 years will be such an experience for me. Life is never bored.
Sometimes I really feel that I hate teaching so much. I had to drag myself to the classroom and tried my very best to stay calm and passionate. But sometimes when you see you did get to help a student to understand stuff, you did make an impact by delivering the message in a good way, you will see what you do is actually meaningful.

Meaningful - this is something that I cannot feel for the entire year when i was working. Student's smile can light up your day, a student's frustration can make you feel down too.
I like to help those kids who care. and I hate to go to the lab that most of them are not listening. But as long as there is one person who is still paying attention, i guess i should just hold on and do the best i can.