loser

Dark side of me.
I am nothing special.
loser.

Tues and Wed

I love the 2 days every week. no class. be home. for the whole day.
feel like the world is mine.
I can catch time. totally overcome any time difference.

77

77=1Y
I dont feel it. nothing is special.
but it is absolutely true.

Oh I am astounded.

and I do need to use some GRE words as much as possible.
For my own good.

Believe me i am not a career-oriented or academic-oriented person.
All I wanna do is to live a life I want.

It seems easy but it is freaking damn hard.

I love my room

I feel like staying in my room forever.
I love the bed, i never wanna get up in the morning.
I got myself a small electronic water kettle. 1st thing after i wake up, boil water and make a cup of hot jasimine tea.
turn on laptop. turn on the music.
do my stuff. drink tea. then do my stuff.
next step...do some cooking if possible, and go to swimming and gym regularly.

that is waht we call healthy lifestyle.
someone on the other side of the earth is living a overturn one: sleep in the daytime and playing poker at night.
i somehow feel happy that this makes me feel we are in the same time zone.
and we are getting a same T shirt which I always wanna do that.
oh and i finally see the face. how good is that.
then i recieve a call from my friend to ask me out for dinner. you know it is so difficult to move my ass away from monitor and out of my room, then when i finaly arrived at cateen, that friend finished eating already. lol.

ok let's start a day. yesterday is a programming one.
today is gonna be reading one.
gd luck. - people still call it luck.

Chariot

accidentally i watched this video.
it is incredibly amazing to use Chariot as our last song.
the Last bow....omg i miss the knees....

I mean those people. every single one of them.
I am a lousy and lazy drummer.
Oh and i suddenly remember that when iwas in US , jd asked me to organize KTV session during Chinese New Year which I totally forgot...>_<

wish everyone well. seriously.

ANNOYING NOISE

I got a single room in Old KR.
I love the place.
I love to stay alone in the room
except for the annoying noice from the construction work in YIH>
it is killing me right now.

But this only proves one thing: Singapore is still a developing country.
which is absolutely true.

get over it

i remember the day one week ago.
things were like shit and i could not stop saying FML.
FML FML.
i thought It could never be worse. but then i realized, who knows.
the worse thing is yet to come. you just need to get over it.

I should not complain since I am not doing my best.
I should not say that my entire 3 months went to nothing.
I got a bloody result.
I had so many doubts and concerns taht whether i should keep on fighting or just wake up to the reality.

Cried a few hours. got scolded for a few times.
by others and by myself.
nothing was going on right.

then after a stupid long phone call and i became that stupid idiot who was crying all the time and wish that I could express myself fully and better.
just a little bit better.

I just need to know waht I am doing is the right thing.
please keep reminding me that.
I am so tired of reminding myself all alone.

I am frivolous.
I know I am.
trumpery. anothing word i leant.
or whatever.
I know I am a loser with nothing in control.

so ironic that my honor thesis is "process control".
I need to record what i do in a CUSUM chart to monitor whether I have gone out of control, I guess.

Get over it . get over it.
I give myself another chance and one last try on 23 Dec.

Did I mention that I wanna thank you for going through it with me and not letting me down?

it seems meaningless i know.

ok i should stop messing around and get myself a cup of hot tea and back to work.

When the world is wrong. there is nothing to complain but try to make it right.

Dumbo

I have been back in SG for a few days.

i met a lot of people that i had not seen for ages.

ages. like the previous life.

I believe i have been reborn for quite a long time.

actually almost one year. Started from 26 Aug 2008.

I am a person who is very sensitive with dates.

I care about those special dates. though maybe the rest of the world dont give a shit about it

but i still care. too much expectation. too much hope.

it is so unfair.

dumbo. you call me dumbo all the time...until i believe i really am a dumbo..

i believe in everything i heard.

i lost in most of the chess games.

i should have not proposed that stupid Poker Probability as my FYP topic.

i should not be so concerned.

there are still years to go. why i care so much now.

maybe i am really a dumbo.

but i believe i am the one unique dumbo.

dun compare me with other women.

they are stupid , but i am just a cute dumbo...= =

or donkey whatever.

I have no time to doubt

i am not happy
i should be happy because of it.
it is not the same any more...?

i am still not happy.