A long day

Today contains too much information.
I have done so many things..
one after one. no break.
I found my FYP supervisor.
Even a topic to start with.
I went to postoffice.
I got an injection.
I finally recieved the reply from Penn State of not going back this summer.
Though I really wish to.
I know it's kind of hopeless but there is at least 0.01 probability.
well, now.
Zero.

To much information.
way too much.

Christian Lacroix

Saturday went to Nationa Museum with AJ for the Christian Lacroix - The Costumier Exhibition. It's super nice. and love meeting AJ after a long time.

I am not a little girl

I hate ppl saying I am a little girl.
If you ever try to undertand me.
then you will know i am not.

I need motivation
I need proof
I need communication
Not only little girls need these.
Every single human being needs them.

I feel so shitty.

Down

I am so down.
I hate comparing.
I never mean to.

But.
It's just not my problem.
I need to be treated normally.
I am not superwoman.

Marriage

Keeping telling myself to have faith does not work any more.

My middle school friend is getting married this May.

And expecting a baby.
OMG it's just a gal at my age.

Last summer in a fashion show.

A gal asked me whether she was fat.

I said no, but why you feel so.

Then she said cuz i just gave birth to a baby.

Wow amazing. how old are you btw.

I am 21. same age as you.

What a world it is.

A uncel once said, "look how young you are. You are only 20 something. I only could be able to go abroad at my 30!"

Well, sometimes i envy the uncle's generation

at least they can fight for their career after their marriage. without worrying about anything about family.

What about us.

Like us. girls. maybe have to quit in the middle of somewhere of our career cuz need to go home get married and have baby.

Or else, being single till very late. 30? 40?

I have no idea.

Life is long. But for us girls. Bloom is so short. 10 years only.

well family means a lot more than career to me.

but what if i can get neither of these.

have faith have faith. but in the end there is no reason for us to believe that the faith thing is actually there.

No girls still believe in fairy tale.

How sad is that.

Show some effort. please. from both side.

I want a direction, clear direction.

I even dont know where i am gonna be this summer.

which is just one month ahead.

I guess life is like this right?

You never know what you ll get.

Forest Gump.

Beyonce

最近喜欢Beyonce.
Such a powerful voice. Full of anger.

If I were a boy
If I were a boy even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted
And go drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause they stick up for me
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone
I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waiting for me to come home
It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong
But you're just a boy
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
'Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy

LISTEN
Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
Listen to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release
Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own all 'cause you won't
Listen Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind
You should have known
Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened, there is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died so long ago
Oh, I'm screaming out and my dreams'll be heard
They will not be pushed aside on words
Into your own all 'cause you won't
Listen
I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't
Listen

Regardless of Race , Nationality...etc , girls will be girls, boys will be boys.
All we need is communication.
But why you just won't listen.
why you just wont even try to understand.

T_T

Reborn

经过了
一次摔跤
一场发疯
一下午的图书馆
一顿与50多岁的uncle的晚餐

我觉得
这将是一个很不同的一年

22nd

well what can I say.
What A DAY.
No celebration cuz got work to do.
And I fell down on the stairs in the rain!

the old sentence again--shit happens. all the time.

I dunno what sign it is...maybe a tough year ahead...

And for something i decided to not expect much but in the end it disappointed me still, i guess i still had hope on it.

But I got A lot of wishes. From A lot of people.
You people make my day. Thanks to let me know that I am not always forgotten.

I feel something is lost

while it's only 2 days.

this sunday got a photoshoot.
maybe a good way to say goodbye to my 21st year in life.

不干正事

我觉得 我现在有这种倾向
生病时觉得 只有健康最重要
于是奋斗的信念小了下去
坚决改正....

未来又渺茫起来了
虽然不想做intern但是真的连个interview也没有的时候也有些若有所失
I am just not good enough.
I have a bad GPA.
I cant tell how much i regret now.

期中成绩也没有很理想
每天嗜睡也没有精神

只想快点好起来 重新开始。

redness

these days the redness went up and down.
all over again.
shit.
i guess shit happens.
all the time.
everything comes for a reason.
when the reason is unclear, it sucks.

I could not keep my promise since this shit happened...
I am so sorry for everything...

I just hope it can end soon...asap.

sometimes i start to like the time diffenece thing.even at midnight ,you still can make phone calls since people are not sleeping at the other side of the earth.
how good is that.

Thanks for all the friends that care about me. I feel so grateful to have you guys around. =)

Emergency

再一次人品不佳 大半夜去NUH挂急诊了
倒是这次没什么 那护士一看到我的脸直接就让进去了 队都不用拍
直接上病床打针 然后我就昏睡过去了

虽然很不爽 现在还是很多红斑。
不过 因为不孤单所以仍然感觉很幸福。

感动

越来越不喜欢在校内上写日志了
现在看校内的唯一目的就是关注晓鸥的事情 分享关于晓鸥的日志 希望更多的人可以看到 自己的感受总觉得写了也是浪费资源
可是 今天真的很感动 也很难过
今天考了4个小时的试 5门期中考试终于都完了 不是特别理想 不过总算是刺激了我一下final一雪前耻
考完之后奔去看募捐的Booth.
自己也干不了别的 献血不够资格 也没有强大人脉可以招钱 只有站站booth了

一直以来都是很乐观的看这件事情 觉得钱够了就没问题了 晓鸥这么坚强 李冰冰都治好了 我们这次也没有问题的
可是 才3天 大家甚至已经募捐到了将近李冰冰的全部治疗费用
可是 晓鸥的情况似乎比想象的要糟很多
晓鸥似乎精神也开始不好了 化疗确实很折磨人

想想妈妈以前化疗的时候 为了不让我担心 2个月都看到住院的她 一定也是克服了很大的苦难和折磨吧...想想这些就觉得妈妈很伟大呢 妈妈要好好锻炼 要长命百岁！

站booth的时候 听了解情况的那几个senior讲晓鸥的情况
大家有时候在笑 其实我真的不怎么笑得出来
不过还是要乐观吧 恩恩

很多好心人捐款 我在的时间已经是星期五下午4-6点了 人流最少的时候 而且很多想捐的同学都已经捐过了 可是一个多小时之内我也觉得至少1000多块被塞进了募捐箱 旁边的POSB ATM里的现金都被捐钱的人取光了 还有人跑去别的地方的提款机取钱了再回来捐 就算是不知道这件事的路人 只要拦下来跟他们解释这个事情 绝大多数的人都会慷慨解囊
觉得能够拿着传单说几句话就可以多弄点钱的话 也是一件值得欣慰的可以为她做点什么的事情了

每次看陪护日记都感动死了...友谊还是很伟大的...希望大家可以陪着晓鸥一起度过难关...希望老天可以被这一帮朋友所感动....
他们描述的晓鸥的现状也让人看起来很揪心....唉...

好久不看书不写字了都不知道要怎么表达了
Bless ....

请一定一定一定一定为了爱你的人注意身体...

Believe

Just Have a little bit more faith ...please...
I believe we can make it in the end...
Before that, take care and fight for it.

LYILY.

明天要考试
不能有包袱
恩
其实考试从来不紧张
但是这个学期是怎么了
可能终于开始好好学习了吧

小胖说 加油 好吗？

风

话说上次见到Colin的时候 他说感觉我整个人从美国回来之后变得没那么有压力 看起来像一阵风
多诡异的形容词
其实 我是越来越不懂得享受生活了
或者现在顾不上了

最近总是不能特别高兴起来
什么都不想买 大餐有人请客都不想吃 总是觉得除了日常三餐之外的奢侈都免了吧 有钱不如捐给晓鸥姐
booth helper招人 去报了名 过了一会再进去看看就几乎都填满了
一阵感动 总觉得其实中国人凝聚力特别的强
尤其是大学生 有一种无法想象的力量
这几年出的这么多事 每次都是这些热血沸腾的大学生最让我感动

我还是想去学会生活
But above all, I must find my life first.

请大家关注

MSN SPACE不知道为什么上不了
这里也没什么人看
看的人应该也都知道了
不过 如果你只是路过 请关注http://blog.sina.com.cn/blessxiaoou
每次读这个博客都有说不出来的感觉
人世无常 每一个灿烂的笑容之后 会发生什么 谁都不知道
曾经这么多的梦想 这么无限可能的未来
顷刻之间都可以改变

对于最近 自杀 猝死 刺伤 诸多事情都没有这一件让我如此的难过
生命如此的可贵 当有些人就这么轻易的放弃的时候
也有的人 像晓鸥一样这么渴望活下去
世界就是这么的不公平

希望我们可以帮上什么。

Life is short

最近接二连三的出事
不知道哪一天 身边的人也许就会不见
或者自己不见
或者 都变了
去了美国之后就没有看过NANA了
今天突然想起来 去图书馆搜索连载
落下很多集没有看
慢慢读起来

断断续续 看了6年多的NANA. 还是没有完结.
所有的人物我都喜欢 我就是不喜欢雷拉
连莲的死我也要怪她

NANA不想被人可怜 可是我觉得她好可怜 真的太可怜了

看着他们 莲的葬礼 突然收到邮件 是学校方面对那个昨天死去的交换上的悼念

最看不得就是年轻的生命陨落
可是总是一而再再而三的听到这样那样的消息。
莲撞车。美国人喝酒吃药。
就因为莲和NANA两个人的倔强 毕生的遗憾
那份没有送出去的生日礼物。

生命很短暂 一定要抓紧时间向爱的人奔去。你说呢 Wall-E?

Tonight. At the monent. I miss them as hell/

休息休息 准备准备 小黑小银 大富翁 猴子 暗棋五子 刷墙 搬家 火锅 意大利面 BBQ 圣诞灯 格斗 锻炼闷痒 飙高音 迈克杰克逊 粉红泡泡 花生啤酒二十四