Big Bug

Job hunting is a pain in the ass. Everyone knows it. Rejections and respondless applications will eventually make you feel hopeless.
I feel like that I am searching for job since forever. Internships, internships, full time jobs, and then internships now again. I don't know why I need to keep myself busy, I can't stand a summer without a job. I guess I am really realistic and always worrying about the future.

A few days earlier I finally got something out of nothing, a low-paid writing part time job but at least it is a start. The boss called me and said “I kind of like that you keep bugging me." Well , I guess I am a big bug. Yun used to hate me for keeping calling his phone until he picked up. If he forgot his phone somewhere overnight and never answered it, I may just keep calling for 100 times until the phone battery died. Same here, if i see a job opportunity comes up, I keep emailing to get the attention.

I call myself paranoid android for a reason.

Its good in a way but bad in a million ways. I only I only bug people when I feel insecure. I remember when I was doing the trading job back then, if I didnt get the confirmation I may ring the broker all the way until I got what I wanted. I cant be fooled or played around. I need answers, I need to know my loved one is ok, I need to feel safe. I always try so hard. maybe too hard.

chill, relax.
I will but only after i get it.

I NEED A JOBBBBB. *finger crossed*

Rest In Peace

She suddenly left us last night. without a sign.

Is it some kind of punishment?

Teacher

I never thought I could be a teacher. well in fact, I am one now.
Its weird in the beginning, as I know my patience is quite limited. Also I dont like public presentation, I get panic all the time.
But i am doing surprisingly well. Its weird, too.
Coming to Morgantown may be a right choice. I feel good about myself. I mean seriously, I have never been so confident before.

But given a second thought, I have nothing to be proud of. I am older - all my fellow TAs are at least 1 year younger. I have been studying statistics for years - I dont see a point of being happy about doing good in something that I already knew.

As of teaching, I guess sometimes we just have to pretend that we are really teachers.

I feel myself slowly losing passion. I can settle for a boring job, I can stand a life without going out for years, I am living in a small town with no close friends.

I miss Singapore so much. But I guess no life is perfect. We just have to have faith - that a better tomorrow is coming.