I believe in true love. I don't mean those big unrealistic romantic love, not everyone can experience great love, most of us would just have a peaceful but fulfilling love with someone that can spend a life with you. He / She doesn't has to be perfect, doesn't has to be rich or smart, doesn't has to be super sensitive, doesn't has to be saying i love you all the time. Actually we just need someone to laugh with, someone to cuddle when it's cold, someone to depend on when we are sick.
It's not that hard.
So Yes I believe in love. I believe love can last forever and true love waits.
I will never lose that faith just because I was hurt before. I did, more than once. maybe I will again. but love itself is a faith. A person should be strong enough to love again.
Believing in love is actually believing in yourself. believing that we are lovable as we are so amazing.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Realistic?
I am not a realistic person. there I say it, so let's drop it.I am not a career-oriented person too, so please don't keep talking to have a career goal. they say love hurts, but this is the only thing keeps me going. Whenever I think about love, it gives me strength to face everything. even love failed once or twice, I don't give up and think about being tough and never let anyone hurt me again. This is just not me.I believe in true happiness happens only if you put your heart and soul into something.Holding back is not an option.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Big Bug
Job hunting is a pain in the ass. Everyone knows it. Rejections and respondless applications will eventually make you feel hopeless.
I feel like that I am searching for job since forever. Internships, internships, full time jobs, and then internships now again. I don't know why I need to keep myself busy, I can't stand a summer without a job. I guess I am really realistic and always worrying about the future.
A few days earlier I finally got something out of nothing, a low-paid writing part time job but at least it is a start. The boss called me and said “I kind of like that you keep bugging me." Well , I guess I am a big bug. Yun used to hate me for keeping calling his phone until he picked up. If he forgot his phone somewhere overnight and never answered it, I may just keep calling for 100 times until the phone battery died. Same here, if i see a job opportunity comes up, I keep emailing to get the attention.
I call myself paranoid android for a reason.
Its good in a way but bad in a million ways. I only I only bug people when I feel insecure. I remember when I was doing the trading job back then, if I didnt get the confirmation I may ring the broker all the way until I got what I wanted. I cant be fooled or played around. I need answers, I need to know my loved one is ok, I need to feel safe. I always try so hard. maybe too hard.
chill, relax.
I will but only after i get it.
I NEED A JOBBBBB. *finger crossed*
I feel like that I am searching for job since forever. Internships, internships, full time jobs, and then internships now again. I don't know why I need to keep myself busy, I can't stand a summer without a job. I guess I am really realistic and always worrying about the future.
A few days earlier I finally got something out of nothing, a low-paid writing part time job but at least it is a start. The boss called me and said “I kind of like that you keep bugging me." Well , I guess I am a big bug. Yun used to hate me for keeping calling his phone until he picked up. If he forgot his phone somewhere overnight and never answered it, I may just keep calling for 100 times until the phone battery died. Same here, if i see a job opportunity comes up, I keep emailing to get the attention.
I call myself paranoid android for a reason.
Its good in a way but bad in a million ways. I only I only bug people when I feel insecure. I remember when I was doing the trading job back then, if I didnt get the confirmation I may ring the broker all the way until I got what I wanted. I cant be fooled or played around. I need answers, I need to know my loved one is ok, I need to feel safe. I always try so hard. maybe too hard.
chill, relax.
I will but only after i get it.
I NEED A JOBBBBB. *finger crossed*
Friday, March 16, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Teacher
I never thought I could be a teacher. well in fact, I am one now.
Its weird in the beginning, as I know my patience is quite limited. Also I dont like public presentation, I get panic all the time.
But i am doing surprisingly well. Its weird, too.
Coming to Morgantown may be a right choice. I feel good about myself. I mean seriously, I have never been so confident before.
But given a second thought, I have nothing to be proud of. I am older - all my fellow TAs are at least 1 year younger. I have been studying statistics for years - I dont see a point of being happy about doing good in something that I already knew.
As of teaching, I guess sometimes we just have to pretend that we are really teachers.
I feel myself slowly losing passion. I can settle for a boring job, I can stand a life without going out for years, I am living in a small town with no close friends.
I miss Singapore so much. But I guess no life is perfect. We just have to have faith - that a better tomorrow is coming.
Its weird in the beginning, as I know my patience is quite limited. Also I dont like public presentation, I get panic all the time.
But i am doing surprisingly well. Its weird, too.
Coming to Morgantown may be a right choice. I feel good about myself. I mean seriously, I have never been so confident before.
But given a second thought, I have nothing to be proud of. I am older - all my fellow TAs are at least 1 year younger. I have been studying statistics for years - I dont see a point of being happy about doing good in something that I already knew.
As of teaching, I guess sometimes we just have to pretend that we are really teachers.
I feel myself slowly losing passion. I can settle for a boring job, I can stand a life without going out for years, I am living in a small town with no close friends.
I miss Singapore so much. But I guess no life is perfect. We just have to have faith - that a better tomorrow is coming.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
IMMORTAL BELOVED
I first got to know Beethoven's love letters through , you know, like everyone, Carrie.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours
Until just now, I read it again. Its way too beautiful. Love is most perfect when 2 people cannot have each other. Who still write love letters if they are going through real life - all those little fussy stuff every day, grocery shopping, laundry, house keeping, paying the bills, discussions, misunderstanding, ignorance. People tend to forget how great love is after they actually have it all.
Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours
Until just now, I read it again. Its way too beautiful. Love is most perfect when 2 people cannot have each other. Who still write love letters if they are going through real life - all those little fussy stuff every day, grocery shopping, laundry, house keeping, paying the bills, discussions, misunderstanding, ignorance. People tend to forget how great love is after they actually have it all.
Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
I am my own religion
I never thought I was a strong person. I think I am just someone who can deal with my own problems. I cry when I want, I dont think thats a sign of being weak. But I never depress. I have my family, my dear friends and myself to hold me up together.
I dont mean to be offensive to anyone by saying I don't believe in religion. I don't know whether God exists. I don't dare to say anything about God. Sometimes I go to temples and pray too. But no I am not religious. I believe this is a private thing, like your true love to your lover. Only yourself understands how it is like and how much you appreciate the affection. It's true that people want to share the joy and happiness for a kind purpose, but it's just too much. Over sharing your love to your God and over helping others are like to upload photos of you and your lover kissing to Facebook.
It's too public to be holy. At least to me.
That's just what I am thinking. Sometimes I do feel blessed (or lucky i guess) and I am thankful and cherishing what I have now. But I also believe it is not a sin to be not religious. I should be getting what I deserve as long as I am a good person. And I will survive whatever difficulties ahead of me as long as I am tough and brave.
I dont mean to be offensive to anyone by saying I don't believe in religion. I don't know whether God exists. I don't dare to say anything about God. Sometimes I go to temples and pray too. But no I am not religious. I believe this is a private thing, like your true love to your lover. Only yourself understands how it is like and how much you appreciate the affection. It's true that people want to share the joy and happiness for a kind purpose, but it's just too much. Over sharing your love to your God and over helping others are like to upload photos of you and your lover kissing to Facebook.
It's too public to be holy. At least to me.
That's just what I am thinking. Sometimes I do feel blessed (or lucky i guess) and I am thankful and cherishing what I have now. But I also believe it is not a sin to be not religious. I should be getting what I deserve as long as I am a good person. And I will survive whatever difficulties ahead of me as long as I am tough and brave.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
On the move
I feeling like I am on the move all the time for the past 9 years.
From one dorm to another dorm, from one apartment to another apartment, from one country to another country.
I bet young people are like this. We desire freedom, we don't want to settle down. Or simply not ready to commit.
Its Christmas again. New year was once meant to be holiday, good food and hongbao. Now it means much more : a lot of friends in my age are getting married, and quite a few of them chose to do it during holiday season. Which is now.
Photos are all over the place. The smiles on the couple's faces, the beautiful lineup of the bridesmaids, the big white wedding cake and wedding dress.
I feel so happy for them, everything seems perfect - at the same time - same.
I couldn't help but wonder (since when I started to sound like Carrie...) what kind of wedding I will have. Or to be more exact, what kind of wedding I want to have. Then I realize I am even not sure whether I actually would like to have a wedding or not. I do fancy of getting married, being with the man i love for the rest of my life. BUT I hate the idea of wedding. In some sense I feel like Miranda.
You know, some "wise" person once advised the girls that NEVER IMAGINE/DREAM/WISH THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE CHARACTERS IN SEX AND THE CITY. Well I believe either this is a guy who does not understand women at all or this is a woman who is really fake or never actually watched SEX and the CITY. We never hope to be like the girls in Sex and the City, we really ARE one of them. The whole drama talked about 5 kind of women: sexy, emotional and complicated Carrie, smart, powerful and independent Miranda, self-centered, open and wild Samantha, traditional, forever seeking for true love and good mother Charlotte, and the other women. (LOL) if you are not those " the other women" who are brainless and never think about what happiness is, you must fall in one or more of the categories. Basically I would say every single woman has some of the 4 all together deep down inside.
What is funny is : those 4 women seldom move. They just stay in their favorite city NYC forever. But as time went by, in the 2 movies after the drama, they started to travel. actually a lot of big decisions were made while they were travelling. I do believe its good to move every now and then. A never-changing life numb people, so its hard to see things clear. As you move, you start to reorganize your life, thinking about where is the best destination. You know to get rid of the redundant stuff to save trouble, and you start to realize what is the most important in your life that you have to keep it with you wherever you go.
Its a damn long blog as I keep talking about nonsense. To summarize, I am moving again this weekend to an apartment bigger than all places that I have ever lived. There will be me, a man and a cat. Time to pack.
From one dorm to another dorm, from one apartment to another apartment, from one country to another country.
I bet young people are like this. We desire freedom, we don't want to settle down. Or simply not ready to commit.
Its Christmas again. New year was once meant to be holiday, good food and hongbao. Now it means much more : a lot of friends in my age are getting married, and quite a few of them chose to do it during holiday season. Which is now.
Photos are all over the place. The smiles on the couple's faces, the beautiful lineup of the bridesmaids, the big white wedding cake and wedding dress.
I feel so happy for them, everything seems perfect - at the same time - same.
I couldn't help but wonder (since when I started to sound like Carrie...) what kind of wedding I will have. Or to be more exact, what kind of wedding I want to have. Then I realize I am even not sure whether I actually would like to have a wedding or not. I do fancy of getting married, being with the man i love for the rest of my life. BUT I hate the idea of wedding. In some sense I feel like Miranda.
You know, some "wise" person once advised the girls that NEVER IMAGINE/DREAM/WISH THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE CHARACTERS IN SEX AND THE CITY. Well I believe either this is a guy who does not understand women at all or this is a woman who is really fake or never actually watched SEX and the CITY. We never hope to be like the girls in Sex and the City, we really ARE one of them. The whole drama talked about 5 kind of women: sexy, emotional and complicated Carrie, smart, powerful and independent Miranda, self-centered, open and wild Samantha, traditional, forever seeking for true love and good mother Charlotte, and the other women. (LOL) if you are not those " the other women" who are brainless and never think about what happiness is, you must fall in one or more of the categories. Basically I would say every single woman has some of the 4 all together deep down inside.
What is funny is : those 4 women seldom move. They just stay in their favorite city NYC forever. But as time went by, in the 2 movies after the drama, they started to travel. actually a lot of big decisions were made while they were travelling. I do believe its good to move every now and then. A never-changing life numb people, so its hard to see things clear. As you move, you start to reorganize your life, thinking about where is the best destination. You know to get rid of the redundant stuff to save trouble, and you start to realize what is the most important in your life that you have to keep it with you wherever you go.
Its a damn long blog as I keep talking about nonsense. To summarize, I am moving again this weekend to an apartment bigger than all places that I have ever lived. There will be me, a man and a cat. Time to pack.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
attached
its dangerous when you are emotionally attached to something, or someone.
We have all been there. only when you are not feeling insecure, then you know you are in the right place, you are with the right one.
For some reason, i have to send my little baby kitten away for a few days and its killing me. Although sometimes he can be such a bad kid, poop everywhere, jump onto the table and knock down the dishes, give you scratches, etc. But i love him. its weird i am so attached to a cat that i only adopted less than 2months ago.
I dont know what else cant really leave us. everything can, everyone one can.
as the ball of emotions rolls, as more friends we have, more attached we are.
Hope time will heal and all we have to do is to remember the great memories and looking forward for a reunion.
Well, I say it. Im just saying.
We have all been there. only when you are not feeling insecure, then you know you are in the right place, you are with the right one.
For some reason, i have to send my little baby kitten away for a few days and its killing me. Although sometimes he can be such a bad kid, poop everywhere, jump onto the table and knock down the dishes, give you scratches, etc. But i love him. its weird i am so attached to a cat that i only adopted less than 2months ago.
I dont know what else cant really leave us. everything can, everyone one can.
as the ball of emotions rolls, as more friends we have, more attached we are.
Hope time will heal and all we have to do is to remember the great memories and looking forward for a reunion.
Well, I say it. Im just saying.
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