get over it

i remember the day one week ago.
things were like shit and i could not stop saying FML.
FML FML.
i thought It could never be worse. but then i realized, who knows.
the worse thing is yet to come. you just need to get over it.

I should not complain since I am not doing my best.
I should not say that my entire 3 months went to nothing.
I got a bloody result.
I had so many doubts and concerns taht whether i should keep on fighting or just wake up to the reality.

Cried a few hours. got scolded for a few times.
by others and by myself.
nothing was going on right.

then after a stupid long phone call and i became that stupid idiot who was crying all the time and wish that I could express myself fully and better.
just a little bit better.

I just need to know waht I am doing is the right thing.
please keep reminding me that.
I am so tired of reminding myself all alone.

I am frivolous.
I know I am.
trumpery. anothing word i leant.
or whatever.
I know I am a loser with nothing in control.

so ironic that my honor thesis is "process control".
I need to record what i do in a CUSUM chart to monitor whether I have gone out of control, I guess.

Get over it . get over it.
I give myself another chance and one last try on 23 Dec.

Did I mention that I wanna thank you for going through it with me and not letting me down?

it seems meaningless i know.

ok i should stop messing around and get myself a cup of hot tea and back to work.

When the world is wrong. there is nothing to complain but try to make it right.