alone

I am on my own again.

I woke up this morning, looking at the empty apartment and feeling something was lost.

My parents have been with me for the past more than 3 weeks. When they were around, I didn't feel much. As the leaving date was approaching, it was harder and harder to say goodbye. Those are the only ones who truly care about you, love you without any conditions. They would do anything for you. Your husband, boyfriend, and partner can never do that. Maybe some can, but I couldnt be lucky enough to have one.

Some events had triggered me to be rather sensitive today. A series of events, a series of words from people, a series of reactions that I received. I couldn't help but reviewing my ways of handling relationship. It's difficult to not care about what others think, it's not realistic to not compare your life with others. When things are clearly not right and should be improved greatly, there is no way to just let it be. It will become cloudburst eventually.

I once thought I had too much to lose, but now, I think I have nothing to lose.

It's just not making sense to not be good to myself.  Especially when I am not the one that is in the wrong. No one is that different from others. Why should anyone be the one to change and sacrifice that much.

I am feeling extremely lonely right now. Time to pick a new TV drama and start from the beginning.